Friday, November 10, 2006

And now it's Done
So Bean did what he had to do. Himself and I came home last Thursday for lunch to check on the new doors and windows being installed in our house. And I started bleeding. And that was that. I had a D&C on Friday and recovered over the weekend. And I was thankful that I am well-educated about the hows and whys of miscarriage because at least there was the comfort in understanding what was happening and that it was for the best. But we are still deeply saddened and miss little Bean.

Now I need to go write a paper about whether healthcare is a Right or a Privlege in the US. And given my recent in-your-face heathcare odyssey over the past week, I think I have a bit to say.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

It was the worst of times...
I went in for my 9 week ultrasound last Wednesday, a week already. I saw the new doctor in the practice. When I agreed to see her weeks ago I didn't think twice about it, it is a very good practice. However, I thought twice when I saw the 19 year old that was supposedly the "doctor". We went through all of the formalities like questions about drinking and drugs and last periods and such. The thing is, I had forgotten about the 'baby interview' part of your first visit. I think if I had remembered I would not have agreed to the 'new doctor' for this particular visit.

Anyway. After waiting for an hour, with Fox (who was home 'sick' from school with the pink eye) and Himself, we finally got to see the doctor. Keep in mind during the Hour of entertaining Fox and waiting, Himself finally got the job offer we had been waiting for. Yay!! Tears in the doc's waiting room!! Emotional henna!! But Fox was losing patience and Himself had actually left with him to take him home for his nap. But as he looked back there was henna!!! Alone in the waiting room!!! In tears!!! Not wanting to do the appointment alone!!! So Himself stayed and the nurses very nicely took Fox and fed him lunch from their little catered buffet (must be rough). We were finally being seen.

The rest is all is a bit of a blur. I waited forever for an ultrasound. And when the teenager finally did come in she took a very perfunctory look and said we needed to go for the special ultrasound cause she couldn't see anything. Guess what happened next?

DingDingDing!!!!! You are correct !! Tears !!! One of the nurses brought Fox back and Himself took him and they left because the baby was really ready for nap time by then. Himself gave me a "It's all fine" quick talk and suddenly I was alone. And I waited for someone to come back for me.

After a while and getting dressed, I went looking for someone. They told me to go back to the little room and wait. I got a form for bloodwork and an appointment, for the Next Day, for an ultrasound. And I was sent on my way.

And I didn't ask any intelligent questions.

And I didn't ask for a STAT on my bloodwork.

And I didn't try hard enough for an immediate ultrasound.

After I went back to work (?!?!?) and then later bailed for home, I came around a bit. I got my bloodwork done and called the office for a STAT designation. I called the hospital on the hour to try to get in for an ultrasound.

Long story short, or not so much, there is a baby and a heartbeat. But he only measures for 6 weeks. And I am pretty sure he is 9 weeks. And the bloodwork was unconclusive. Shocker.

So I am now waiting and trying to be positive and patient. (Uh, yeah, not).

As an aside, there were only 2 othe patients in the office the whole time. And the 19 year old? When I started crying with my ass in the breeze and basically losing it? Patted my leg patheticaly and said we need to wait and see what the ultrasound says. And then promptly disappeared for the duration of my time in the office.

Huh.


Thursday, October 12, 2006

It was the Best of Times...
Yet again I have managed to make myself misunderstood. Although I try very hard to be understood. I try to choose my words carefully and mind my inflection like a 14 month old loose in the house, which is exactly how my inflection acts on most occasions anyway.

Bean and his impending arrival is a good thing and much planned, so we are Very Happy Indeed. Except of course for me since I am very nervous and wondering if all is ok and geez aren't I big already. He is only 8 weeks right now so I am still waiting for the thumbs up from a doctor and week 12, which someone determined at some point was the 'safe zone'. I have told a few people though. Somehow this time around I feel more confident to handle anything that happens. But I am really already all round and it's weird. Not that I was dieting or being mindful of any exercise regimen for a few months before the planned start date of this little adventure. So I had some food and drink and basically slothed around gaining weight. Now that Bean is settling in it is starting to show. I am going to tell Good Hearted Friend on Saturday. She already asked twice in the past 6 months when I was feeling tired and once when I caught a bit of a stomach thing. Now I have to tell her and it's strange cause there's the whole 'I had sex' thing lurking behind such an announcement, which is strange for me and my family since we never mention it. Ever. She'll be excited though, she wants a girl to dress up :)

Friday, September 29, 2006

Spilling the Bean

Ok, so this time I am pregnant. Yay! The joy of life! And reading that dumb stick that said "pregnant" - and 5 minutes later feeling fat and gross. But overall I am feeling pretty good so far and have not been ill, which is good.

The not good? Yeah, that would be that my manager, Abrasive, who we've met earlier, decided that she needed to have another go at me. Oh yeah, there was more crying and abusive language and she bloody near threatened to have me fired on the spot. So. Long story short, I am reporting her to the director of HR. And when I leave here, I am going to sue her :) Fun !!

Hazzardous Waste

The kitchen renovation has started. For almost four years now we have tried to make this old kitchen nice and liveable, and sometimes even just tolerable. We have glued and screwed drawer fronts on so many times, that when they came off the last time, we just threw them in the trash. So we designed a new kitchen with pretty cabinets and tile and a granite counter top. Then we went to the Warehouse Whores who were going to charge us a fortune to do the work, but refused to commit to a price, or even venture an estimate at the completed project until we were in so deep we had no choice but to sell of Fox to pay for the new digs. But No!! Instead we found our senses and hired a private contractor who is doing the whole deal at a reasonable price. Forget the nice cabinets, though. And the granite countertop? Ha!! That sort of thing is for people without vision. I have new cabinets that are certainly nice enough, and we have survived as a species on Formica for decades now, so I will keep the tradition alive!! Plus I did manage to get tile floors so that kinda makes up for everything else.

Anyway, so far it is going smoothly enough. The entire house is covered in dust no matter how often I hang the old sheet over the kitchen door. I am hoping to have one of those old fashioned parties when this is all over. Y'know? Where all the neighbors come over to help with something and the men do, men stuff, and the girls, bake or whatever? But my party will be the men in the basement watching foolsball and Fox, and the womenfolk armed with generic diaper wipes dusting and wiping every surface of the house. More Fun!!

And what with Bean on the way, how on earth am I to finish the MBA? Well, How about doing a double and then another double!! Piece of cake!! So I am all registered for that and hoping it all goes smoothly.

Ethics

This all seems a bit dull to me though. I am bored and think that I have too much time nibbling on delicate bon bons on lazy afternoons. To resolve this, I think I will embark upon an intensive job search before any potential employers can tell I am pregnant. And then I will lose sleep over the ethical issues around deceiving said potential employers. Then I will go to ethics class!!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Project LoveBomb

No, no, no. I am not talking about pregnancy or anything Illicit like that. But if you happen to be cruising through here take a minute over at DadGoneMad to check out project Lovebomb where we have adopted a soldier and his family. There's a dedicated webpage and everything! DGM and his crew are so very cool !! So you can send a note to Mike, our adoptee, or his wife Angel who is caring for their little girl. Or you can send something along to him, coolaid and popcorn have been requested. Once I get better at links and the like I will make this easier, DGM is linked at right...

Moving Along..

So no more abusing of the pee-sticks. Not pregnant. And not really concerned about it. I spent a week off from work and watched TV and did a lot of nothing while Fox was at Daycare. While I felt slightly guilty for sending my little love to daycare while I sat at home in my own debauchery, I also reminded myself that I was bloody lucky to be able to send him somewhere he was happy and spend some time by myself. I slept. I ate. I drank some beer. I watched ungodly amounts of food network. I did not read the internets. I did spend one day quite sick and realized that I was not a spring chicken anymore and better try to regulate my diet a bit with more fresh vegetables.

I spent some time with HandsomeContractor and finished designing my new kitchen. This may seem like a bon-bon moment over a cup of tea deciding which exhorbitantly priced slab of cold rock will adorn my humble kitchen space. But no, alas, save the bon-bons for another dreamscape. We were, instead, huddled over a chain link of Formica color chips, on the floor, on the oriental rug I still have from college, that the dog has been peeing on all summer. In the humidity. Yummy!!! Ok, so she hasn't been utilizing the space for a while, but I still need to haul that rug outside and clean it. Anywhooo...

So the kitchen is picked out and I am pretty happy with it. I mean, Formica, but it will look better in the house than some gorgeous granite cause this house is not, well, gorgeous. The floor will be tile though, and it will all fall into the Budget, which is really all I want. The idea is to sell the house and one day maybe have a great kitchen that I love. Right now I will be happy with a kitchen that has all the drawer fronts still attached. And that I can get the mice to move out of. Yes, I treat my house like the run down joint that it is. Hopefully by Thanksgiving it will be all cleaned up.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Passing Time

Geez, it's been a week since I have posted anything, what a bad blogger indeed. How shall I make this up to you?

I know!!! I'm gonna pee on a stick!! Better yet, I'll pee in some tupperware and get out a pee stick and gingerly dip the stick in the tupperware and calmly count to 20 and patiently wait for a test result and wonder if the negative test is really negative, or just too soon. Then, when Himself grabs the (empty) tupperware out of the bathroom to trim his toenails into, just for laughs let's not tell him what it was used for a few hours ago. Ha !!!

So if the tests (I have only used 2, thankyouverymuch) are negative, what is the problem, you ask? Well, the World Wide Web of Lies and Misinformation, that's what !! I, even given an excellent education, am unable to glean exactly when these tests are effective. Oh sure, AFTER you have missed your period, blah blah blah...But I would like to know NOW please !! Before the weekend and refinishing my front porch.

How am I feeling? Thank you for inquiring after my delicate state. I have, in fact, been feeling very lightheaded and headachy for a few days now. Any nausea, you ask? Actually, yes, a bit. But my next *cycle* is not due until Friday, so I may waste more of our money tomorrow morning on a pee stick. What is the timing if the stick were to predict offspring? Oh, well, junior and the finished MBA will arrive on the same day. Let's Celebrate !!

How do I feel about the prospect of being with child and attempting to finish this degree before it/he/she arrives? Oh, bugger off!!! You ask too many questions !!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Birthday, 1, and the Incident

I did not come into work on Saturday. What a luxury to sleep in and hang out with Fox and Himself. We did very little all day, which was nice after being in work for so long. Himself brought Fox into the bedroom mid-morning and said his butt was a little sore and he was crying. He promptly fell asleep next to me and I let him, his tummy had been a little off. I enjoyed some old episodes of Mad TV.

And I started the happy pills with a renewed confidence that I was going to feel great and have energy and be, well, happy.

Sunday was Fox’s birthday. It was perfect. We went for a drive and spent a few hours at Good Hearted Friend’s house in the city, which was the only thing I wanted to do on my kid’s birthday. He had ice cream with her and there was no stress and I got to reminisce about being a little kid in the same kitchen eating ice cream.

Then we drove out to the development we have been watching go up for a few years now hoping to be able to build there. The credit score has not budged. But there is still hope, the lot premiums have gone down, dramatically. And we talked again for the umpteenth millionth time about what it would be like to have a different home, with a/c and a functional kitchen and nice bathrooms. And how we would be able to afford it. And there was hope.

Monday was another day at work. Then Himself emails to ask what day it was that we had early morning big people time before Fox woke up. And I said that I wasn’t sure.

And the next email had an ovulation calculator on it.

So now I am not taking the happy pill after three whopping doses and I am waiting for my hCG to go up, or not. And I am impatient. I have already used one pee stick as if my hormones could defy the laws of nature and produce a result, 4 days after, the incident.