Thursday, July 13, 2006

Pointing Fingers

Back at unchallenging job. Not that I am looking for work to be some mental exercise every day, but I haven’t had anything of substance to do for over 9 months. Basically I look at bills, fix a little something on it, and then send it back out for payment, all in our billing system. So I stare at a screen all day and let my mind wander. This may sound pleasing to some, but after a while, well anyway.

I am not getting my MBA as a hobby.

And I didn’t get two degrees at college to sit in a cube. But I didn’t have a whole lot of guidance or advice after college so I roamed around aimlessly for a while. But that was another life. I ended up here through the nepotism of Himself who has worked here for years.I actually like my job a little. And I learned it all quickly; it’s not rocket science, as they say.

But my coworkers? Mostly uneducated, a few college classes in one of the empty conference rooms after work perhaps. And there's nothing wrong with that. However, I went to a private girls school and graduated with a small class. My graduation picture with my class was mistaken for my lacrosse team by my college friends. I have two degrees from college. This all sounds terribly snobby but it's not meant to be. I just feel like I have no one at work that I can relate to. I have a few friends who I cherish; they took the time to learn about me and I about them, so now we can relish our different backgrounds. But overall, my point is I now know what public school would have been like had I gone to Giant Public School and graduated with 300 hundred people. Except that there are 800 people in this building. And I don’t fit in. And this place is a perpetual lunchroom. I have become the wallflower I surely would have been in school.

Which brings me to NewSnob who sits across from me. She just got a temporary supervisor position, but they always go permanent. She is the leader of a pack of folks who do very little work when the bosses aren't looking. I have been trying to get a supervisor position for a long time. I keep getting told that I haven’t been here long enough. NewSnob has been here as long as I have. But you can tell she is a supervisor alreay. Overnight she got a facelift and her nose is about two inches higher in the air than it was yesterday. Really, the surgeon did an excellent job, her recovery time was amazing.

I didn’t actually apply for this position. Why not, pray tell? Ah, now we are getting into it aren’t we. Well, a few weeks back, I had a bit of a run in with my boss’ boss, Abrasive. My boss let me know that I was wanted in Abrasive’s office and I happily toddled over there and sat down with both bosses. Let me preface what happens next by stating while I do not fit in socially at work, I am an excellent employee and perform my job better and faster than my peers, and I am generally liked and respected. I have no reason to be nervous when asked into the manager’s office, save except that she has only spoken to me twice in the two years I have worked for her.

Like a Lamb to a Slaughter

The next 40 minutes of my life are some that I wish I could not remember. I do not handle being cornered very well anymore. I get weepy and cry a lot since I had Fox. Hallmark ads are not my friends. I’d say on average I probably get at least a tear once every few days over something. Who can blame me? You would tear up at the sight of Fox sleeping, too. Anyway, Instead of dropping her tirade after visibly upsetting me and making me cry, Abrasive sort of kept at me till I had been crying for a good 20 minutes. And it was because I had stood up in a “Town” meeting (150 employees) that morning and asked a question on behalf of a few coworkers who were too shy. It was a simple clarification question, but Abrasive felt that I should not have asked it because it made me look stupid. Her words. Nice.

Also, apparently someone sent Abrasive an email saying I had acted unprofessionally earlier that morning because I “overreacted” when my whole team came back from an hour and a half town meeting that they had gone to at 8. I got to work at 8:10. When my team finally got back and I jumped at two of them asking where they were, I said I was sorry. I explained that honestly my feelings were hurt that they had left me, in a half joking way. It was really nothing. Which was why I was so taken aback at how blown out of proportion Abrasive made it. But I couldn’t think while she was interrogating me. I couldn’t say anything intelligent like, “I would have appreciated a note on my desk as to the whereabouts of 20 people so I wouldn’t wonder what I was missing for an hour and a half,” or "I think it would be more professional for whomever was concerned about my behavior to either address me directly, or address my supervisor, but certainly not send an email to my manager.”

But no, I sat there like a blathering idiot. Anyway, the point to all of this is that suddenly I wasn’t left to keep an eye on things anymore when our boss went on vacation. NewSnob was asked to keep things going. It’s more of a recognition thing to be asked, than actually having to do anything. Every one knows their job and we are, in fact, not children. But NewSnob took her role Very Seriously and kept tabs on everyone especially during the two weeks our boss was gone. She had a nice tendency of asking other teammates where I was with my work. I sit right next to her. She could have asked me.She doesn’t talk to me anymore. Which is fine with me, we never talked much anyway. I tried to talk with her and the others but they never really welcomed me.

Get the Point?

Anyway, now NewSnob is the temporary supervisor. Abrasive approached me after the announcement yesterday and said that she could tell I was frustrated, I have no idea how because I made a concerted effort to not look, well, not look anything. So Abrasive pulls me aside in a hallway and starts grilling me about why I am frustrated and what she can do to help. I start to get anxious and I AM kind of upset about NewSnob getting the job I feel was more mine than hers. So I say to Abrasive I really don’t want to do this right now. And she persists. I ask if she would just set up a formal meeting at a later time and she suggests we go to an empty room to talk. I tell her I really don’t want to talk now and she persists. I let her know I don’t do well with her impromptu meetings in the hallway, and I don’t want to talk right now (again). And she persists. You get the gist of this. I finally just thanked her for her concern and walked away. She followed me.

The Actual Point

So I really didn’t mean to lay this all out. But I feel better that I did. And I have a point. Jo(e) said a while back that women should be able to cry, and not be ashamed by doing so. At least that’s what I took away. And she said that she has a posture, a demeanor that says ‘I need to be alone’ which her family recognizes and respects. I wish Abrasive would be professional enough to recognize my postures and respect them.