Thursday, August 03, 2006

Party (not) On

Fox’s First Birthday is on Sunday.
One year ago I was resting in bed per doctor’s orders with a pretty decent case of preeclampsia. I watched the idiot box and napped and generally took it easy while waiting for Himself to come home. I did not run the carpet cleaner and clean every thread of carpet in the house when no one was looking, ignoring the heat and telling myself that the carpets needed it more than I needed to lay around some more. Not me.

It seems like a long time ago, almost like it didn’t happen and it was just a blip of a show on the same idiot box. But Fox is here and he’s almost a year old.

He slept in our room last night in his pack and play enjoying the a/c. It was even too hot and humid for him to sleep in his crib, and I am the first one to leave the kids out in the heat. It doesn’t seem to bother them. But yesterday? Everyone was suffering. The horses at my Dad’s farm were all in the barn with fans blowing on them. Good Hearted Friend was at his house too, keeping an eye on him, and for the first time ever she had an air conditioner in her room. I asked Himself to go over there and install the window unit for her, and she said she promptly took a nice nap in her newly cool room once he left. Of course my Dad would have nothing to do with his a/c in his bedroom. He stubbornly turns it off after Good Hearted Friend turns it on for him. I guess after 75 years on the planet without one, well global warming be damned, he still doesn’t need one.

We’re still in a limbo land trying to sell the house. We’re waiting, not so patiently anymore, for the credit score to go up so we can get the whole buy/sell process going. So there’s no extra cash, say, for a party for Fox’s birthday. But as Himself so kindly points out, who would we invite anyway? We have no friends left near us, our only normal friends left town a few years ago. And our family? Well, who can deal with all them in this heat? I figure the little guy and I will go out this weekend with Good Hearted Friend and get some ice cream.

But it still makes me sad he won’t have a party.

On a steel Horse we rode

In the middle of July we took BonusSon to the Bon Jovi concert for his 8th Birthday. It cost a fortune, but we decided to do it before we knew about another bogus settlement that we ended up paying Himself's ex-wingnut. So the rest of our cash that was supposed to last us through the summer went to her so she can do whatever she does with it, like not get BonusSon clothes or food or a back to achool outfit. She's despicable. Which is why we are so broke and I have worked 11 days straight at unsatisfying job. And why I don't feel like we should have a party for Fox. Ugg.

BonusSon had a good time at the concert and wore his first concert-tee for days, removing it only to swim and allow Himself to launder. The day after the concert I threw a pool party at his Grandmother's house and got the neighbor kids over. It's hard to get people together for the party not only because it is in the middle of the summer, but because we don't have a lot of contact with his school friends since Wingnut moved him a county away from his father.

Anyway, the point is it's a major accomplishment to get kids to a party for BonusSon but I managed to get 8 kids and I brought all the food and cooked all the food so that the grandmother wouldn't feel put-upon because apparently she has felt that way recently, even though it wasn't us doing the putting-upon. And it was a surprise for BonusSon and they all had a blast.

But now I am bitter about the whole thing because I feel like "his kid" had a party and mine doesn't get one. And I blame Wingnut for being, well her, and manageing to squeeze even more money out of us that she will not spend on BonusSon. I mean if I knew she would take the money and say, buy BonusSon a great new wardrobe for back to school, I might not mind so much. Instead she may buy some rounds of drinks for her buddies if her lawyer doesn't manage to get her share of it. And she did not have a Birthday party for her son and she will not buy him back to school clothes. She never has.And I am bitter. And pissed about feeling that way. And irritated about my situation. But mostly pissed about having all of these feelings that are negative and miserly.

Christ, I am a bad person.


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